2 Mommies and 2 Boys

Reading some of your “stories” like Denise and Caroline, I am inspired to write our story. It’s a little lengthy, so I understand if people lose interest.

In November of 1999, I was living in Hoboken, NJ and working in Manhattan. I hated my job, hated creating a sinking pit of debt and was tired of city life. My co-workers were all on a mission to make their first million by 30 and to wine and dine with the elite at 5-star restaurants.

My job was pretty much like cold calling financial portfolio managers trying to sell stock market research products. Our reviews were based on how much money we made for our 25 year old bosses. My “area” was NYC and Boston. No, and I mean, NO brokers or mutual fund managers want to talk on the phone for more than 3 seconds. I sucked at it and I didn’t care.

Fate intervened and I was fired. The first job I was ever laid off from in my entire life. I went home for Thanksgiving and ran into an old friend who owned a restaurant. She convinced me to move home and wait tables.

So I moved back home to CT, lived with mom and dad and took the step I never had the balls to take before, I sat for my LSATs to get into law school. When I took them, the test site was at Yale Law School and most of the other people taking it were Yale students. I felt like I was totally out of my league. They had studied for months, and I had only spent 2 hours with a LSAT CD program.

I took the test and got into the waiting tables/bartending scene. I was pretty much a wreck. I had control of nothing and began drinking too much. It’s pretty easy to do when you close the restaurant and hang out drinking booze for free with your coworkers until all hours.

The drinking was not the best thing. I have a slight family history of depressed alcoholics. I was fun when I was drinking, but it was an escape. The spiral started several months earlier when my grandfather committed suicide on my birthday. I think I used that as an excuse to not give a shit about very much.

In December, I met Laura. Laura became a regular at the restaurant where I worked and she was one of the funniest people I had ever met in my life. It was pretty obvious that she was gay, and I felt totally comfortable with her. Laura started bringing her buddy, Lois around.

The first time I met Lois, I will never forget it.

Now, let me back up here. Up to this point in my life, I had never been with a woman, or even thought of being with a woman. I had crushes on women from time to time, but didn’t think they were physical crushes. I was in an upscale sorority in college and was pretty sure I was straight. Now when I look back, it all makes sense how much I despised sex with men.

So, back to the first time I met Lois.

I was working through lunch and dinner and was partially manning the bar at the same time. When I came around the corner, Laura was sitting at the bar with this cute girl. I definitely did a double take.

Laura was writing her life story out on a legal pad. It was hysterical. She stopped me as I walked by and asked me who I would cast to play me in a movie about my life. I said “Helen Hunt” and they both nodded in approval. I was introduced to Lois and I definitely checked her out again.

The next time I came through the bar area, they stopped me again and asked me if I liked Melissa Etheridge. I said “sorta” and went back to my business. They later told me they were trying to find out what team I played for.

I got a job as a permanent substitute teacher for the local high school (my alma mater) and also was offered the position of varsity tennis coach. Since I was a pretty good tennis player in my day (I went to college on a tennis scholarship), I jumped on it.

I had a great time teaching at the high school and was soon offered a position working with a group of troubled freshman and helping out older, need to retire teachers who couldn’t control their classrooms. I was 23 years old and the kids loved me. They loved me because I treated them like people, not little kids. But, when they acted out, I wouldn’t be a pushover. I had a kid give me shit one day because I turned him in for picking up a chair and trying to throw it out a window.

The girls on the tennis team were wonderful. We hadn’t had a winning team for years and I think (I’m not sure how this happened) I promised them that if they beat the best team in the league, I would get a tattoo in their honor. Not the best idea, but that’s how I got the sunflower on my shoulder.

Lois and Laura were on a mission to “save me” from myself. I started hanging out with them more and more and

One night, they brought me to the local gay bar. I was wearing nice clothes and carried a bag/satchel which they have not let me live down to this day! “YOU CAN’T WEAR A PURSE TO A GAY BAR!”

The night of the gay bar, Lois drove us all in her minivan (she had a minivan) – sexy, huh – and we listened to the Carpenters the entire way. I was in the bar for 30 seconds when my nightmare happened. I was recognized and my name was shouted across a room-full of people.

K. was an old tennis friend from 10 years prior and she was elated to see me there. K is a bachelor in every sense of the word. She’s smart but eccentric and she usually has a different girl every week.

One night, after one of our bar jaunts, we went to the diner at 2 am to sober up and K. gave me a ride back to my car. As we sat in the parking lot and bullshitted about all the people we knew, she told me I had to come to her house for dinner and actually drew me a map of how to get to her house (something she denies to this day). As we were sitting in the car at 3 am (and nothing was happening), we see headlights in the mirrors and who pulls up but Laura and Lois, checking in to make sure K wasn’t taking advantage of me. LOL! To this day, K ribs Lois about how K was backing off because I was too young and Lois swooped in there in the meantime!

During this whole time, Lois kept telling herself not to get involved with me. There were 1,000 blinking red signs saying “stay away” from this young, destructive wreck. Lois had her own baggage. She had split up with her ex 6 months prior and was fighting with the ex to be able to see their 3 year old twins as much as possible. She also had a brief relationship with a woman in between August and December and was trying to get out of that. After 7 years with her ex, she basically left with absolutely nothing (except a Rubbermaid of white turtleneck shirts – we NEVER joke about that) and she was living in her parents’ basement. She was reconnecting with her family who she hadn’t spoken to in 7 years. We both were WRECKS.

In early 2000, I got the results from my LSATs and actually had an impressive score. Law schools were contacting me to apply. I had a scholarship offer for a 4th tier law school in Connecticut and one for a 2nd tier law school in New Jersey. I took the New Jersey offer thinking I had no reason not to get out of Connecticut.

In March 2000, I did have a reason to stay. On March 20, 2000 (I remember the date because our New Paltz wedding ended up being March 20, 2004), I skipped out of my new job waiting tables at Chili’s and went to Lois’. We watched the worst move of all time, Eyes Wide Shut, and were hanging out on the couch bed. I spent 30 minutes inching closer to her and she spent most of that time inching away from me. I persisted and won out. LOL!

Lois spent the next few weeks asking me when I was going to “freak out” and it never happened. I was so relieved.

TO BE CONTINUED…