2008 June « 2 Mommies and 2 Boys

spirited

June 25, 2008 at 7:06 pm (cranky baby)

I am struggling through work today. I think I am fighting off a sinus infection and all I want to do is put my head on my desk.

sigh.

Enough about me.

We definitely have a kid that is not “easy” by any stretch. As I, said a million times before, he’s our “100%” kid.

When you mention to someone that your kid cries all the time, you get so many varied responses:

Could he be autistic?

What if he has a milk allergy?

Maybe he has hearing problems?

Maybe he’s not getting enough sleep?

Maybe this?

Maybe that??

I know someone who’s kid cried all the time and he had (insert fatal disease here).

Sigh.

The wife and I have talked about it ad nauseum. We’ve spoken to nurses, doctors, family members, friends with multiple children. I’ve sought the advice of my mother and her child development experience. We’ve addressed it with the pediatrician.

There is really no answer. He’s just a vocal, energetic kid. He always seems to be teething and always gets mad when he doesn’t get his way.

We have revisited the possible milk allergy question, but he has no symptoms. He sleeps fine, he eats well, he hears perfectly, etc. etc.

Plus, we have definitely noticed a pattern of behavior. He’s a wonderful, happy kid (for the most part) when he’s:

(a) outside

(b) at my parent’s weekend home

(d) at the store/running errands

(e) at the park

He’s happy and content doing anything that is not “stuck at home with the mommies.” He needs stimulation. Constantly.

He’s pissed off when you bring him in from outside, you take him off a playground slide, he’s overtired, he’s not getting his bottle in the place he likes to take it, he’s stuck inside four walls with his boring moms, not able to play behind the wheel of the car (thanks again for that Mema and Pop-pop),

We really do believe that his crying is somewhat associated with his inability to really talk yet. He gets frustrated when we don’t know what he wants right away.

I know we both get frustrated and hope he grows out of this high maintenance stage (that he’s been in since birth). It’s hard when you can’t make dinner because there is a child holding onto your pant leg screaming and throwing a tantrum.

But he is getting interested in books and is actually sitting and playing with toys for short stretches of time. He never did that before. He’ll play with his tools for 20 minutes at a time.

He’s just our 100% spirited child. He is absolutely hysterical and fun and mischievous and everything!

I mean, how could you not just love this kid and quickly forget how frustrating he can sometimes be?…

We’re working on the communication. He is saying more words every day but he soon forgets them.

Patience. Patience.

That’s what being a parent is all about, right?

16 Comments

throw up dance

June 23, 2008 at 1:50 pm (weekends)

I think I’ve mentioned before that Shmoo sometimes thinks it’s funny to stick his hand down his throat and make himself gag.

We find this disturbing. He finds it hysterical. We’re trying not to have any reaction to this in hopes he will stop. Like I said, it’s not all the time, but on occasion.

Thursday night, as we were attempting to get out of the door for dinner, he was standing in the dining room testing his gag reflex. I was trying to distract him when he was successful and puked on himself and all over the hardwood floor.

I had my hands full and Lois was around the corner with her hands full. I found myself shrieking as he decided to step in it and dance in it laughing his ass off.

My attempts to grab him with one arm and hold him out of the puke while trying not to let my voice rise too many more octaves made Shmoo laugh even more.

Ugh. So gross.

So, how was our weekend?!?!!?

It was AWESOME!

Saturday was amazing and I am making anyone I know in CT play next year. It’s just a fun tournament and I get to hang with people I never see.

We took about 10-15 mulligans per person in one round of golf (Scramble) but we still were no where close to winning.

Drinking beers around the course, laughing our asses off, cheering, etc. We were obnoxious and had a f*ing blast!

Sunday was another perfect day.

It was the first weekend day in as long as we can remember that we had zero plans.

We did go to church. Shmoo was a gigantic burst of energy and volume during the entire service. It made things stressful for us, but the churchgoers loved it and were very forgiving that we hadn’t been there for months.

After church, the wife and I did something we haven’t done in 8+ years.

We took a nap.

It was amazing.

Shmoo woke up from his nap after only an hour and he led us into our bedroom. All 3 of us collapsed on our bed and we just snoozed.

I can’t remember the last time I took a nap. It was perfect.

Not much got done yesterday. We made it to the grocery store, but we didn’t iron or do laundry or clean out our cars.

We made homemade nachos for lunch and watched TV in the afternoon, lying on the coach.

Ahhhhh…..

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

It I can charge the batteries in my camera, I will post a recent picture or two soon.

8 Comments

TFGIF*

June 20, 2008 at 1:32 pm (Job)

It is Friday. I just have to make it through the next 8.5 hours.

Then, I have a work party thing tonight. Then, I have to get ready for tomorrow.

Our big golf tournament (the lesbo party of the year) is tomorrow. It’s an hour away and since we help out, we will need to be there by 10 am, after we drop off the boy 20 minutes in the wrong direction.

BTW – I am now down 30 lbs from my weight last year, but I had hoped to be down another 10 by this tournament since I only see most of these people once a year. Oh well.

I’m hanging in there. I’m definitely in a better mood than I was earlier in the week.

On Wednesday night, I got home and went straight to the fridge to dig for a beer. I never, ever drink at home. L was on the phone with someone and she just said “uh oh. H’s looking for a beer. She must have had a really rough day.”

I’m keeping it all in perspective. I don’t have the kind of job where I can just move onto a better environment. I am working for a senior partner who is a micromanager. And he will never, ever change.

A female senior partner who got wind of the craziness this week came to me to empathize. She used to work with the same guy. She made it through. She agreed that what he does is ridiculous but I can’t harp on it. I can’t change him. No one even will change him. She was very nice and has often offered to be a sounding board to me when my boss puts me over the edge.

I am the provider for our family, so I need to stick with this until something better for the family comes along. In the meantime, I have reached out to another senior partner I really like to do an entirely different area of work. This week has been a little stressful because on top of the craziness of my boss’ creation, I am also working on something with a tight deadline and a totally new topic for me: environmental.

Sorry if I’ve been a bad commenter and friend in the past 2 weeks.

Not sure why I think I have time to post.

For now, I must go and finish up the enviro work, hoping of all hopes that I impress the partners that will be looking at it.

Then, I must call my pastor. She called and left a message on our home phone wondering if we were okay because we haven’t been to church in months. Ugh. The guilt. She even left her cell phone number. Ugh. Double guilt.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I hope on being happily buzzed from the end of work today until church on Sunday morning.

*If you can’t figure out what the extra F is for, then I’m not going to help you out.

12 Comments

Bizarr-O

June 18, 2008 at 5:59 pm (Job)

Yesterday got 100 times weirder than it started.

For once, I was working on something in which I had much more experience than my boss. I kept trying to tell him that we should do things my way.

He was steadfast in doing things his way. His way was the polar opposite of any attorney in the state that has ever performed one single deal like this.

I was left absolutely dumbfounded how he made us process. And, of course, everything I said would happen did happen. Any every time the inevitable did happen, he freaked out and scrambled for even more ridiculous solutions.

It’s that 13 condom rule again. Overly, overly cautious to a point it’s completely unreasonable. Anyone involved in this deal was left shaking their heads yesterday.

The dust is settling today, but he will never admit he should have done things differently. And if the client wants things done this way or is happy with the results, okay. I’m still recovering.

I keep wondering what this place has in store for me. I keep thinking there’s more to my career than this.

I know I can’t change anything. I know I can’t harp on these things. I’m taking a deep breath and letting it all go.

Wooooooooosh.

9 Comments

our first conversation

June 17, 2008 at 1:39 pm (Job, talking)

A friend of mine was recounting her one-night weekend getaway to this place with her husband sans kids this weekend. They drank 6 beers each before dinner and were in bed by 9 pm.

I think we need one of those soon.

The boy has been super crank lately. I think it’s a cross between more teeth coming in and just being tired. But last night, we were almost at the end of our ropes. He was screaming like he was being stabbed, arching his back, throwing a tantrum when you sat down, put him down, picked him up, walked into the wrong room, etc. We passed him back and forth between the two of us. He finally passed out 30 minutes after we gave him some Ty.lenol. Poor kid.

But he did have an eventful day yesterday. He got bit on the hand by another little kid at day care. We got the phone call, it didn’t break the skin, they were icing it, he was recovering fine, yadda yadda yadda. I left work by 5:15 pm so I could pick him up instead of Momma L.

We actually had a conversation in the car. Well, it was a one-sided conversation. He got settled into his seat and as I started driving, I asked him about his day.

He said “bu-bu.”

“Did you get a boo-boo today, pal?”

“bu-bu”

“Where’s your boo-boo?”

He then proceeded to point to his chubby right elbow (the bite was on his left hand). But the point is that he understood me and we actually had some type of conversational exchange.

This week has already launched into craziness following up a weekend of non-stop, little rest action. I need to work my ass of at the office this week and I’ve already thoroughly disappointed my boss this morning (for something he should have done but it’s my fault for not taking care of. Something that’s not our job as lawyers. Something that I didn’t have enough information on to know it was important. Something that I still don’t think is important.)

And I had a dream a few nights ago in which I was responsible for watching the boy one day but I had to work. I was trying to get things done quickly but all of these senior partners who I never do work for were walking in my office, throwing things at me that needed to be done immediately. It was all unfamiliar work and I was drowning. As I tried to recover from it, I realized that I lost Shmoo. Lost him, completely. Lost my child because I was distracted with work. Think that dream means anything?

I must get back to work. God forbid I fuck something else up today. I know that my boss has a tendency to think everyone but him is a moron, and I try not to take it personally. But it’s frustrating knowing that no matter what good work I do, that it will be the one stupid irrelevant mistake that he will consider a “big deal” when no one else would. Plus, I’m not a WASP male with a private school education, so I have no chance of him thinking I am cut out for this anyway.

Enough of the rant.

Here’s a beautiful picture that Auntie Suz took of the boy from this weekend. We were getting so frustrated that he wouldn’t stay still for a one second pose. However, this came out perfect.

9 Comments

failure to blog

June 12, 2008 at 7:06 pm (long one, updates)

I hate doing long posts. I usually don’t have the attention span to read a long post, so I don’t blame anyone for stopping here and drifting off to play bejew.eled or something.

The problem with my blogging lately is that I used to be able to read my friends’ blogs and post on mine during conference calls at work or general smatterings of time here and there. I just can’t do that anymore. Conference calls are done for now since that project is nearing completion.

My billable hours totally suck and I’m in a crunch where I need to bill ridiculous hours for the rest of the year now. Needless to say, I guess I need to actually work when I’m at work. Silly concept.

So, my posts may become less frequent, but I will still try to read my buddies’ blogs out there as much as possible.

This update post has been a work in progress for days. Once more, I apologize for the length of the post.

The last 7 days have absolutely flown by at a ridiculous pace. I’m sure not too many people will be sympathetic towards my tiredness at this point, because it has been a good week.

Last Friday: Bill 9 hours of work splitting time between corporate gig and firm, drive 45 minutes home, change, eat a grilled cheese and get the family in the car for 1 hr 45 min drive to my parents’ house for the weekend. Arrive at 9:15 pm. At 10:30 pm, I discover that when I asked my wife if she packed for both of us and her answer was “yes”, it really meant that she didn’t think of sleepwear or underwear for me.

Saturday: 95 degrees at the shoreline. Entire family hangs out at my parents’ house including my mom’s BFF. Shmoo filled his pool, had his first cherry Popsicle, helped Grandma plant lilies by digging in the soil, played at the beach for the first time this summer (Shmoo LOVED it!), took a short nap, played with his 3 cousins everywhere and wore his little self out by 8 pm. He was such a good boy.

Sunday: 95 degrees at the shoreline yet again. Had a car cleaning fest in my parents’ driveway. Fought with Shmoo to keep him out of the sun. Switched cars with my mom. On the road back home by 11 am. Discovered after 1 hour of driving that an air conditioner hose was broken and the wife’s feet and the entire floor of the passenger side of our new/old car was getting completely drenched in water. Made it home and went to Lois’ parents’ house, picking up the twins on the way(BTW – L’s ex let us take the girls on their birthday. I can’t even begin to explain how HUGE this is). Hung out at L’s parents’ house for hours. I took Shmoo in a freezing cold pool (probably almost 80 degrees, but in 95 degree weather, it’s cold). Hung out under awning during crazy thunderstorms for 2 hours.

Monday: Got up at 5 am. Leave house at 6:00 am. Played in a super huge charity golf tournament 5 minutes from my house for which I was on the Board for. Temperature was 97 degrees. Drank water all day. Too hot for beer on the golf course. Get home slightly buzzed, stinky, sweaty and sunburned at 9:30 pm. Do a load of laundry.

Tuesday: Got up at 5:30 am. Get to work early (not the 7 am I had planned on). Work for 2 hours. Drive 15 minutes away for second golf tournament in so many days. Temperature is 96 degrees. 70 something percent humidity. We did have a slight breeze. I won longest drive (around 245 yards) for the first time in my life because I actually hit the fairway. I win $20 in the pro shop. (I was happy but someone in my foursome played a golf tourney last week and won $500 cash for a long drive. I wish I played in that tournament). Got home around 9 pm, stinky, sweaty and exhausted.

Wednesday: Get up at 6 am. Get to work by 8:30. Bill 7.5 hours. Frantic all day after missing 2 days of golf…ahem….networking events. Attend firm dinner for 3 hours. Get home around 9:30. Exhausted.

Thursday: Get up at 6 am. Not sure what my name is any more. Working both corporate gig and firm job today. Have to attend a condo association meeting tonight. Need to bitch about speeders who fly by when the kids are playing outside. Not sure what to do with Shmoo. Not sure how to get everything done.

This upcoming weekend: non-stop action. Lots of plans. Hopefully, we’ll try to fit a good night of sleep in there. Maybe we’ll even go to church for the first time in close to 3 months. We’ll play it by ear.

I’ve just wasted too much time finishing this damn post. Shit. Now I really have to get to work.

Here are some pictures since the last time we met.

I got a call from Billy one night last week telling me to look outside my window after a rainstorm. He asked me if I had seen “The Bat Signal for the Gays.”

All of a sudden, the boy has taken a huge interest in books. He doesn’t actually sit for very long and read them, but it’s a start. I’m very happy about it. He still could care less about TV.

Here’s a happy boy fresh from Mema and Pop-Pop’s pool

He’s going to hate me for this someday. I couldn’t resist. This goes into the rehearsal dinner/wedding slideshow pile. I mean, check out that bod.

He absolutely refused to put on the little cute water shoes we got him. I had to sit him down and explain that we could do “Splash-splash” “outside” if he put those shoes on. He knew that “outside” and “splash-splash” were his two favorite things. I watched as he pondered my words… “I can take a bath outside?!?!?”

Needless to say, we finally got the water shoes on and the rest is history.

Shmoo loves the hose. Loves it. He looks like he’s thinking about watering his big cousin.

My parents’ house is about 100 yards from a private beach. This was Shmoo’s first time this year at the beach. I really hoped he would love it and he TOTALLY did! He just cackled when a slightly larger wave would come and splash up his shorts. Plus, he really got the hang of walking on sand. Most of the time, he just stood in the water taking in all of the sights. I’m so happy he loves it! If only the water wasn’t absolutely freezin’!

He now says the word “bubbles.”

I bought this little tool box thing at a tag sale last year. When I realized how crazed the boy gets over a screwdriver, I fetched the set from the attic. He plays with the tool set every day. Best 50 cents I ever spent

And to any of my local readers, just a quick bulletin….I am still looking for a 4th person for our golf tournament on Saturday, June 21st. We’d even take a straight girl, if we have to.

11 Comments

date attempt

June 4, 2008 at 8:04 pm (the mommies)

We had K*n for an overnight one night last week so Auntie Suz made a drunken promise to take Shmoo for some babysitting anytime.

I thought that Monday was a great day to have Suz pick up both her kid and mine from day care and hang onto Shmoo for a few hours in order for the mommies to have a “date.”

Needless to say, it didn’t go as well as planned.

I got home closer to 6:30 than the “before 6″ I promised. L was paying bills and seemed a little harried and cranky. Auntie Suz had her fridge blow out, so we were going to bring her some large coolers and needed to move cars to take the SUV.

When we finally got into the car, I started driving and asked L where she wanted to go to dinner. I was driving for probably 10 to 15 minutes, heading a direction that was narrowing our options, asking L again and again. “I dunno. Where do you want to go?” I kept telling her that it was her night and to make up her mind.

How about Italian? Mexican? Burgers? Mag.gie M.cfly’s? Chi.lis? Pan.chos? Ru.by T.uesdays? local grill? etc. etc. etc.

She couldn’t decide. I got a little frustrated and said we should “forget it.” She obviously wasn’t really looking at this as a relaxing date night. She felt rushed and when we finally pulled into a restaurant that we hadn’t tried in years, we were both grouchy.

The grump cloud didn’t wear off as it took us well over 10 minutes to get water.

Segue. I have waited many tables and worked retail and other customer service jobs. I think I was very good at them and I have a high standard for servers. That being said, I am never rude, always tip a minimum of 15% and thank my server regardless of my dissatisfaction.

There were 3 other tables of two at this restaurant. Two of which already had their food. There was one waitress and one bus girl/bar back. The two of them just seemed to be “milling about” not “working.” I know there was a few pizza pick-up orders based on the people who came and went, but I fail to see how that would have such an impact on our service.

Like I said, 10 minutes to get water. Another 5-10 before our waitress even acknowledged our existence. 5 minutes before we got bread. The diet coke mixture was off and my replacement diet coke sucked as well. It took us probably about 1 hour and 15 minutes for our meal. Then, the waitress screwed up the bill. To top it all off, the meals were $16 a piece and were terrible.

We are easy to please when it comes to food. So, if we are frustrated, it’s pretty bad. And we we both cranky and bitching at the end of the ordeal.

My attempt at a nice night out was thwarted. But I guess that’s what I get for trying to be a little cute and spontaneous on a weeknight.

On another note, I spent the day driving up to Mys.tic, CT yesterday for a closing. It was such a beautiful day and I think we need to live it that part of the state. sigh. Maybe 10 years from now, it could be a possibility. We’re heading back that way for the weekend on Friday night to my parents’ house. I love these weekend trips up there because they always feel like mini vacations, regardless of how tired we are after the drive home.

On yet another note, despite the pediatrician’s concerns, I think Shmoo says a lot of words. Just this weekend, he clearly said “coo-kay” (cookie) and “cha-let” (chocolate). Not only can he speak, but he apparently has his priorities in order.

14 Comments

playin’ with water

June 3, 2008 at 11:55 am (video)

6 Comments

Blogging for LGBT Families

June 2, 2008 at 2:40 pm (Blogging for LGBT Families)

Today is the 3rd Annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day.

Even if you did not participate, please check out Dana’s site and see how wonderful it is. You can also find the other bloggers who are writing today.

As I crawl into bed this Sunday night, I am exhausted and barely able to think about writing a post that can even come close to encompassing something like Blogging for LGBT Families Day.

I found myself feeling tired and frustrated that the weekend was gone and little had been accomplished. Here I was, tired and cranky and wishing I could have some more time to rest.

That’s when I caught myself. I spent the whole weekend with my family and my friends.

So what that some of it involved major cleaning for another fruitless open house. So what if Lois worked a party on Saturday and I wasn’t the most chipper of wives because Shmoo was super beasty and never took a nap that day. So what if I am mad at myself for not sticking to my diet this weekend. So what if my car is a mess again because it is the family weekend car when it was so clean all week long. So what if I’m exhausted and achy and….

I spent time with my amazing family this weekend. No matter what the weekend brought, it was worth every second.

I mean, look at them.

I know how lucky I am. I am not taking anything for granted.

We have this solid household, this loving home. We laugh, we giggle, we dance, we tickle, we sing together, we lounge together, sometimes we all sleep together (not too much as Shmoo isn’t a good bed-sharer).

We have a wonderful family unit. Shmoo is very lucky to have two mommies like us.

My readers know us, so I don’t need to rehash our story. We have a two mommy household. One of the things we are most grateful for that we are legal spouses (civil union) and that our son is legally both of ours (gotta love CT). We do know that there are many wonderful families out there who do not have the same benefits and have had their families tested and torn apart without having the protections that should be so elementary. (BTW – I never cover myself completely in my wooby blanket – I do know that if anything ever did happen to L, her parents would fight to the ends of the earth to take Shmoo.)

Each and every family out there is special and lucky. So many people try to find their compatible mate and raise children with that person. When I started an online diary in law school, it was a way to vent. To say the things I couldn’t always say out loud. In the past few years, I have found this amazing community. These families that have poured out their hearts and souls to each other and found incredible love and support in return. What an amazing community we have out here in blog world – an extension of our IRL community. We all are part of a safe zone, a welcome place for each other where we don’t judge or criticize and we share our families with each other.

We have amazing families and we are so blessed. All of us.

Enough of the ramble. Here’s a quick video of Shmoo working what his momma gave him.