spirited
I am struggling through work today. I think I am fighting off a sinus infection and all I want to do is put my head on my desk.
sigh.
Enough about me.
We definitely have a kid that is not “easy” by any stretch. As I, said a million times before, he’s our “100%” kid.
When you mention to someone that your kid cries all the time, you get so many varied responses:
Could he be autistic?
What if he has a milk allergy?
Maybe he has hearing problems?
Maybe he’s not getting enough sleep?
Maybe this?
Maybe that??
I know someone who’s kid cried all the time and he had (insert fatal disease here).
Sigh.
The wife and I have talked about it ad nauseum. We’ve spoken to nurses, doctors, family members, friends with multiple children. I’ve sought the advice of my mother and her child development experience. We’ve addressed it with the pediatrician.
There is really no answer. He’s just a vocal, energetic kid. He always seems to be teething and always gets mad when he doesn’t get his way.
We have revisited the possible milk allergy question, but he has no symptoms. He sleeps fine, he eats well, he hears perfectly, etc. etc.
Plus, we have definitely noticed a pattern of behavior. He’s a wonderful, happy kid (for the most part) when he’s:
(a) outside
(b) at my parent’s weekend home
(c) at his Mema and Pop-pop’s
(d) at the store/running errands
(e) at the park
He’s happy and content doing anything that is not “stuck at home with the mommies.” He needs stimulation. Constantly.
He’s pissed off when you bring him in from outside, you take him off a playground slide, he’s overtired, he’s not getting his bottle in the place he likes to take it, he’s stuck inside four walls with his boring moms, not able to play behind the wheel of the car (thanks again for that Mema and Pop-pop),
We really do believe that his crying is somewhat associated with his inability to really talk yet. He gets frustrated when we don’t know what he wants right away.
I know we both get frustrated and hope he grows out of this high maintenance stage (that he’s been in since birth). It’s hard when you can’t make dinner because there is a child holding onto your pant leg screaming and throwing a tantrum.
But he is getting interested in books and is actually sitting and playing with toys for short stretches of time. He never did that before. He’ll play with his tools for 20 minutes at a time.
He’s just our 100% spirited child. He is absolutely hysterical and fun and mischievous and everything!
I mean, how could you not just love this kid and quickly forget how frustrating he can sometimes be?…
We’re working on the communication. He is saying more words every day but he soon forgets them.
Patience. Patience.
That’s what being a parent is all about, right?
Good lord, you have just described Ribbit, to a T. And being that he’s quite a bit younger than Andrew, it looks like we have many, many months ahead of us, full of lots of challenges. Kudos to you & L for trying to put it all in perspective (I think the inability to quickly & easily communicate really is part of the problem – I know I’d get frustrated!).
I sometimes think that parents of the mythical mellow baby (I know they exist, but certainly not in our house) wonder if perhaps the fact that a child is “spirited” (my preferred adjective) is due to poor parenting choices. I just have to roll my eyes. Ribbit is ribbit & knows exactly what he wants. Or more accurately, exactly what he DOESN’T want & no amount of parenting is going to change that.
I’m telling you. It’s the genes. Riley is very similar. She’ll play by herself as long as you’re in the room. Otherwise she’s hanging on your legs, and that sometimes comes with a tantrum. I never knew one year olds could throw such tantrums! She lays down on the floor and screams and kicks. It’s amazing to watch. She’s not much of a crier as she is a whiner. But if you try to make her do something she doesn’t want to do, she kicks and screams. This happens when we now give her a sippy cup of milk instead of a bottle. She’s not loving the transition. Then, last night at dinner, she’s in her high chair screaming and pointing at my drink. She wanted that drink and nothing else. I agree that it’s their frustration over not being able to communicate. It can be exhausting. At least you’re not alone. Here’s to spirited and STUBBORN children!
You just remember……you are great moms.
It gets harder when you feel judged or critisized by others because of your spirited child.
it gets easier. but I think they will always be spirited….even when they can communicate.
Have you tried any sign language? My little guy is 5 years old and is just starting to talk where people “might” be able to understand him. He is a total tantrum thrower. His is also been diagnosed in the autism group.
I started him with the signing time videos when he was 2 and I don’t think we would have survived without them. Just an idea I thought I might throw out there.
Yikes!
But thanks for keeping it real.
And hang in there. We’re hoping good things for you.
from what i am hearing, and have been told… he sounds like a pretty smart kiddo. all those behaviors point to a kid who will be forever in search of the next thing to explore and rock to uncover… and being a boy, well…….
i’m right there with you, times 2!!!!
i hear your pain. i know you love him. they can be challenging, and equally as wonderful.
joanie
Patience, and learning to abuse chocolate as a coping method, and sneaking a ‘time out’ from the baby when you need one, and remembering that committing murder will put you in prison. Parenting is about all that and more.
Isn’t it insane how it’s the best and worst, most wonderful and most horrible, most exhilarating and most frightening job all wrapped up in one?
I think you guys are doing a great job. No one should critize you guys… everyone’s situation is different.
A cried and cried and cried – for 3 1/2 years. Just recently she stopped. She still has meltdowns – she still cries – but now it’s when she is expressing hurt or fear or all of the normal things that happen to a 3 year old. She now tells us that she is mad, or expresses what it is she wants. There was a time when I wondered if the whining and crying would ever end. Then it did – without warning and without reason. Schmoo is such a great kid. He has amazing parents – and the fact that you allow him to express himself will go a long long way in his development and sense of self. It does get better! KJ is right, he will probably always be spirited, but it will come out in different ways as he grows and can communicate. You are doing all the right things – and he is lucky to have Moms that care so much about him!
Ahh, sorry to hear things are a bit tough. Being a parent is really hard sometimes, that’s for sure. Hopefully as he learns more and more words and is able to communicate more, he’ll start to feel the need to scream and throw tantrums less often.
I can’t remember – do you guys do signs with him? That might help with the communication and give him a way to express what he needs or wants. Both our nephews use signs, and Erik knows a few too.
Btw, Erik has started letting loose an incredibly high-pitched whine/scream when he doesn’t get what he wants or we say no to something. It’s so high pitched and is such a horrible noise that it makes me want to cover my ears, or just give him what he wants so he’ll stop! But of course we can’t do that. Patience.
I get it… at least on some level. Unfortunately, a lot of parents who don’t have a “spirited” child don’t get it – and believe that it is all due to your parenting. Just like having an “easy” baby is all related to parenting.
While parenting plays a very large role in the development of our children, their personality plays an incredible role as well.
Hang in there!
I get it as well, there are books out there for parenting spirited children. It does get somewhat easier when they talk. The spiritedness stays lol
oh my gosh we have the same kid.
we are frustrated as all get out. our kid is making some strides in talking, but would much rather just whine or say “dadadadadadadad” in a slight conversational tone, but nevertheless, not saying much. frustrating.
has he laid down in the middle of the aisle at the toy store yet because he cannot get the push toy he wants??!?!?!?
We found that baby signs (sign language) helped with the Chicklet. Just a few signs gave us information about what she wanted (more, all done, please, up, help, cookie). I think her being able to communicate even those few things avoided some frustration.
Hey Holly,
Maybe you have already explored this, but he sounds like a High Need Baby. These kids are usually very bright. Top 3 Features are the child being intense, demanding, draining.
Here is a link to more info:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp
Mario (who will be 9 in August) was demanding, but not as intense as Andrew). That was a big part of the reason that we were hesitant about having baby #2, who, thank God, is mellow!
Mario has calmed down considerably, but had a hard time with school for a few years b/c he wouldn’t/couldn’t calm down the way he needed to. He seems to have outgrown this, and brought home a terrific report card this year.
Mal
Geez Holly,
I read what you wrote to Dawn and she said ‘That is Colton’. Ashley asked me the other day what did I feel was the worst age to deal with.. I told her this age. They have an idea what they want (sometimes know EXACTLY what they want) yet they aren’t verbal and don’t understand near enough. We were out to dinner the other day, standing in a parking lot with our friends as we had a few min of conversation. C wanted down. NOW. Of course we were in a parking lot! He can’t walk around… He was po’d deluxe. Yet, we couldn’t explain why so he’d understand. Each day is a struggle right now. Makes even thinking of another go right out the window.
Keep your head up.. you guys are doing fine.