*sorry if this is a depressing post.
I’ve been to many funerals in my life. Probably more than an average 32 year old, I think.
My first non-family member funeral was when I lost one of my closest friends in 5th grade to a brain tumor. At 16, I lost my childhood best friend in a car accident.
I think I’m able to view death as a reality. While I am definitely upset about losing someone, I think I have become more immune less devastated it. Does that make sense?
Although, to be honest, 9 years ago, my grandfather’s death affected me more than I think I could admit (due to the timing and tragic/frustrating aspect of it). And even more recently, when my mother’s BFF in the whole world died of Lou Gehrig’s (I just adored her), it definitely changed me forever.
This morning, I attended a funeral that really started a lot of real thoughts in my head that I can’t shake.
My mom has two BFFs (R and S) that live locally. They are all married, but they vacation more with their girlfriends, go to wine tastings together, golf together, get drunk together, do yoga together, etc. All 3 of them are hard working, independent women who are full of life and spirit.
R and S are also buddies of mine, too. Since they are my mom’s age, they are sort of like aunts, but I also try to play golf with them, celebrate birthdays together and even had to drive the three giggly co-horts home from an Italian restaurant in W.est P.alm Beach, Flor.ida after the cute waiter had sweet talked them into one too many lemoncello shots.
One of the BFFs, R lost her husband of almost 40 yrs on Monday. We was diagnosed with lung cancer less than 6 months ago and was given 1 year to live.
I have seen what happens when someone survives longer than expected after such a diagnosis. I know what cancer can really do to someone. So, I am very, very thankful that R’s husband did not have to go through the worst of it, or simply that his pain was not prolonged.
R’s husband wasn’t someone who I was particular close to. I actually only met him a handful of times.
But, I think it is hitting me with such real force because of how much I know it is affecting my parents. As I stood between my mom and S at the funeral today, I realized how much this hit them. Their best friend lost her husband. She’s one of them and they were at her funeral today realizing this reality for their friend.
It also made me think about my parents. My father was even crying. Not only will they not be around forever, but they are also hitting an age where they are losing friends.
I couldn’t comprehend losing my spouse. I keep thinking that the Shmoo will be visiting L and I in our nursing home on the water (surrounded by cute nurses) and bring us contraband like chocolate and cheeseburgers.
BTW – my mom, R and S all joke that I will be responsible for setting them up in a country club nursing home, making sure that a tall dark and handsome nurse named Raoul will take care of them. And I will sneak in contraband such as chardonnay and cosmos and take them out for joyrides and shopping excursions.
Maybe now that I am married and have my own family, it’s more of a reality to me that life is short.
I feel for R. I just keep thinking about how hard it is to go home and climb into bed knowing that your spouse will never be there again.
I’m sorry if this is a depressing post, I’m just trying to gather my thoughts around it all.
Maybe this reality is making me put everything back in perspective that we are all here for a limited time, whether or not it’s someone you really want to be on this earth forever.
We are all mortal.
If there is any lesson of the day today, it’s to remember what we are all on this earth for. Life is short. You can’t control how long or short it is, but be proud of how you live it.
And don’t take your loved ones for granted.
